22nd June 2012 - MOT & The Apprentice

Speaking to my wife about cars, she wanted us to both get new ones over the next couple of years. "I'm happy with my car, there's nothing wrong with it" I said, I've been driving a relatively short time yet over the few years I've had a plethora of cars in various states of disrepair including an old diesel Renault Clio which would collect rain water through the sunroof seal then leak it through the interior light on to your lap when you turned corners giving you the appearance of having wet yourself, ironically if you were sitting in the seat opposite witnessing this you probably would wet yourself laughing.

The MOT is due on my current car today, I hate MOTs it's like randomly going to the doctor's when there's nothing wrong with you and being told they need to amputate your arm.... and change your windscreen wipers. I had spoken too soon when I said "there's nothing wrong with it", I mean being my car there were a few things wrong with it, you can only open the central locking from the boot lock, slow puncture on the front driver tyre, scratch on the windscreen where the wiper blade misplaced and ground a curve and there is a common problem in it's model in which the door seal allows the rear carpets to get waterlogged but I can accept these as the "charm" of it, obviously by charm I mean flaws I can't afford to repair. Anyway a mere couple of days after expressing the solidity of my car I pulled up at home and pressed my electric window button to raise, to which it gave a pathetic whirl, growl then silence. My window. Stuck open. Eventually I with the door open and a hand either side of the window managed (whilst grimacing like a World's strongest man contestant) to drag it up giving it the appearance of being closed with the slight fear of it collapsing either out of the car, shattering on the street or retreating down into the door, another charm to add to the list.

I dropped my car at the garage for it's MOT last night as I work far from home and it would add time on my ridiculously early, public transport journey in the morning (on a side note it costs an arm and a leg to catch a bus nowadays doesn't it? That's where they get you, once you are left with one arm and one leg you can no longer drive and HAVE to continue catching buses). In general my wife would like me to do any dealing with mechanics and the likes, she thinks they take advantage of women's ineptitude with cars. I have an ineptitude with cars as I've mentioned before. I very much doubt mechanics, or any other tradesmen with knowledge I don't have are any less likely to rip me off than they would her to be honest. My lack of nous with cars rolls off me, they probably smell it like sharks do blood, if anything a man who doesn't know about cars is even more susceptible to being ripped off as they can play on your machismo "Oh yeah I mean you know we had to strip the carburettor" - "Of course the carburettor, you have to strip that .... (God help me that sounds expensive)". Nodding and saying "oh right" and "sure" isn't enough, I'm rubbish at blagging and I'm sure that any oily dungaree wearing, grizzled spanner jockey can see I haven't got a clue the same way I can see it when I'm explaining something about computers to someone who wants something fixed and their eyes glaze over as their brain gives up like it's leaving a library that doesn't have the book it wants.

Speaking of which I've just started training the new guy at work, it's not the guy I had recommend but he's a nice enough bloke and seems to have some modicum of understanding. He doesn't write much though, I've been wondering whether writing stuff is my "thing" and regular people just remember tons, I don't think so, I think he'll struggle, a week's worth of training and he has about one side of A4. Either he's a master of shorthand or he thinks he'll remember everything. Would it be impolite to say he should write some more? I talk and click about on the PC for a couple of hours, he just watches, I wonder if he's glazed over, I wonder if his brain has left the library leaving the shell of an apprentice unable to write. At times it takes all I have not to yell "write something you imbecile! What do you think you are? A video camera?"

My job's not been that hard to explain to be honest, I've been doing it 5 years, I have built an efficient system of going about daily tasks and whilst insulted the apprentice (Ha. I'm like Alan Sugar, only of course I can't fire the guy because I'm leaving myself and I didn't pick the guy I selected someone else. I'm not really like Alan Sugar after all am I?) feels my 5 years of work can be summed up on one side of A4 I'm now trying to leave him to it in the hope that the actual experience of doing it will help him retain the information.

In the end what do I care if the week after I leave he looks on both sides of his paper for an answer that isn't there? Only that I've no doubt it'll be "Adam didn't show me that." Why do I still care about my reputation at a place that I not only will never return to but actively dislike? Having a conscience is so annoying.