My morning started with a battle of wills with my oldest daughter (7) who has decided that she no longer likes toast. Doesn't. Like. Toast. Who doesn't like toast!? I bet Hitler didn't like toast, he didn't like loads of stuff, if my daughter thinks I'm going to let her go that route she's got another thing coming!
There are wheat intolorant people out there who can only dream of the luxury of toast and here my daughter shuns it. I made her eat her toast. If she carries on she'll only eat the petals of some flower that only blooms every 20 years or something. I mean I was a little fussy as a child about food but you can't turn down toast, it's a basic food group, isn't it? I don't know, I'm no dietician, all I know is that if you don't have carbs it makes you mental.
Her mum (NOT my wife) said "She's gone off bread and cereals but she will eat croissants, pancakes, waffles and brioche" That's right, her mother has allowed her to become upper class.... and french.... and Hitler!
In what world does a 7 year old little girl demand croissants over Sugar Puffs or pancakes over toast at breakfast? Not my world I tell you! Not in my name!
So after watching her eat toast at a snails pace (as her bites made all the damage of a sparrow's peck each time, underlining her obvious disgust at being forced to each such an offensive food stuff) I took two of my girls to school in the pouring rain and dashed back to get there for my wife to leave for work.
So I had my youngest daughter (2) and son (7 months) for a little while before I had to take them off to the childminder's, as I got them ready I said "can you get your trainers on please?" my daughter retrieved her trainers placed them next to me (as I was getting my son ready) and said "Daddy, it's very rainy I think I should wear my boots" I looked at her for a moment and replied "that sounds like something your mum would say, do you think she'd want you to wear boots?" she looked as me with the identical look my wife would give me if I'd been an idiot about something which prompted me to say "Yes. Get your boots on" and she skipped off gleefully to her wellies.
I think if one more person says "What happened to your hair?" at work I may just attack them like a rabid chimp. I did think at one point I'd just start chirping witty anecdotes like "lazer limbo", "I put it in the tumble dryer" or "nothing, my head has inflated" but I think next time I'll just plant my hands on my hips, throw my head back and give a Ming the Merciless type laugh in a hope the sarcasm suitably embarrasses them, everyone, it seems, is a comedian.
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