Oh...By the way the call was from MI5 (or the company I will henceforth refer to as MI5) and I accepted. "Yay Adam! You got what you wanted!" I hear you cry. Not yet I haven't as when I took the news to work that as I was leaving (As I announced I would if the God Managers at my current job decided to switch my hours completely) I was met initially by happiness that I'd found a new job.
Well I say happiness.... It was very odd. I sat with my boss who had been the conduit through which the two God managers on high communicated to me who sat as I said. "I just wanted to give you notice, I've found a new job." He replied "Oh good, good" his tone was pleasant he was smiling but his face reddened and he had a bit of an odd nervous twitch in his eye going on, We discussed what it was doing and I explained that it was a better job for me and a little closer to home. I had said to my new boss to be that I'd need at least 4 weeks notice. I checked with HR before and my contract says for the time I've been with the company they could request up to 2 months!
You can probably see where this is going can't you?
So my boss said he would consider what is required and get back to me and I'd have to put my notice in writing ..... Only he didn't get back to me..... And you can only put your written notice in when you can state the date you're leaving.
Clever eh?
Or NOT clever as I've seen this little ruse used before! I marched up at the end of last week and said "have you thought about how long I'm required?" his tone had changed to sheepish, his face looking as though if it could all just crawl into his mouth and he could close it it would have been an impassable option. He said (of course) that I would be required to stay for the full 2 months, unless someone can be brought in to cover my role and is up to speed in which case I can leave in 6 weeks. I was also asked if I could write a job description for my job, I almost laughed aloud at this point.
I'm a large, relatively quite man, not aggressive in the slightest. I don't hide emotion well though. My face will always betray me should I pretend to agree. I don't bother pretending to agree to things now, I don't bother with small talk and if I see someone I don't want to talk to I will actively avoid them and to be honest "them" is most people. What a waste of time seeing someone you didn't talk to at school for example is when they stop to ask what you're doing now. If we had any kind of connection then they would know. There are a number of ways of doing this, my favourite is probably the old "just keep moving, one word greeting in passing and carry on" you may at times have to leave embarrassed people who are turning on the spot with an open mouth loaded with discussion but every war has it's casualties
This is moving away from the point though. Standing there at my boss' desk I felt incredulous, this must have shown as my already apprehensive boss was seemingly cowering with his explanation. It was odd seeing him like this as he is generally cocky and full of bravado, not in a particularly obnoxious way, I don't actually dislike him which in fairness is a credit to him as it doesn't take much for me to dislike someone.
So here I am stuck for 2 months, my office has become Amistad. I told other members of staff I will now only be referred to as my employee number and will have "Free 39031!" T-Shirts printed for anyone willing to join the protests.
What annoyed me most was that when I said if my hours are changed and my family affected I will leave they scoffed, they as good as laughed at my threat making me feel like an expendable goldfish. Now this goldfish has found wings it seems I'm indispensable to the fishbowl! They couldn't possibly live without me and will hold me as long as they are legally able.
I told Lefty of the news today, he replied "well, you don't REALLY have to stay for two months do you?" he gave an impish grin. I replied "I'm not going to burn the place down, it's not worth killing a few and putting the rest out of jobs just so I can start a new one" his face flashed from horror to laughter. It was easier to say this than explain that my boss was my reference and I don't want to give MI5 the idea I'm the type to break a contract, no, if they want me for two months so be it. MI5 have accepted it and I'll be counting down the days till I can rise victorious from these shackles of hypocrisy!
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