Had my interview with what I suspected was MI5 after all the necessary hurdles to simply apply for the job. It wasn't MI5, it was the actual job role that they'd specified in the advertisement. Gutted. It's highly unlikely that this company will issue me with a pistol and a license to kill, I doubt they'll even give me one of the two.
Had to take a database excercise test first, as if the stringent tests thus far hadn't been enough. I wondered if I might have to dress in a spandex superhero costume and dodge missiles whilst they yelled interview questions over the sound of the blasts at me. I didn't. Perhaps if I had suggested this they would install it for the next poor soul who dared seek employment with them.
I had worried about the database exercise to the point where I was hoping I'd get the job with Penfold and Barry-A-Like before the interview so I could cancel it and save making an idiot of myself, I was out of my depth with this job, my tireless wife had submitted my CV for it and after I read what was required I found I was without not only experience but even base knowledge of most of it though I did like the look of the role itself.
Thinking I wouldn't get anywhere I ventured on with the application, since they continued throwing tasks at me I thought it'd be rude not to complete them and now I found myself driving up to their offices bursting for a wee and having forgotten to buy a bottle of water to sip during the interview, not only making me appear prepared and professional but saving my voice from devolving to that of a starving toad. Then I saw it in the distance, an oasis, a small McDonalds. Oh McDonalds your golden arches a beacon to the needy...
After eventually arriving I waited for quite a while until I was met by a member of staff carrying a laptop (I mean at the interview by the way, not at McDonalds) "what evils does that laptop hold?" I wondered, what dastardly database devilry. I can only proficiently create a database with Microsoft Access, I'm sure otherwise I could knock something together using a mix of tech common sense and experience but within a test time limit I feared I would look an absolute imbecile if I offered up some primary school child's messy drawing equivalent of a database when I'd had the audacity to survive the application process so far.
After being herded to a first aid room by laptop man (who didn't carry the air of seniority you'd expect of management more of a "team member" or guide so I was quite comfortable in his company) he explained all the meeting rooms were full so I'd have to complete the test within. it was a small room with a desk, chair and a first aid bed. Laptop man joked, "if you need a lie down, feel free" I imagined being halfway through the test and a previous applicant being dragged in, his suit blackened with scorch marks, babbling "You'll never survive this! They'll kill us all!" whilst also appreciating that laptop man had actually cracked a joke. I've seen how easily the formality of interview situations kill even the idea of attempting a quip.
I was handed a sheet, given my time limit and laptop man said the golden words "it's all in Microsoft Access". Access, it's as though Bill Gates had flown in on a cloud outside the window stuck an upturned thumb toward me and winked before zooming off to make money somewhere. I ploughed through the test, noticing the clever little trick questions "I wonder if that will trip up the other applicants" I thought, rather I hoped. I actually quite enjoyed it sad though that is.
Following the test I had my interview, I said goodbye to laptop man and asked his name which he gave and wished me the best of luck, he seemed quite genuine too, not the "all the best x" type luck you write in a card for someone you barely know.
The interview was before a panel of three the would be manager of the applicant who was either irish or scottish, I often get them mixed up if I'm not really honing in, a woman who remained largely silent, and a doctor (yes a doctor, I'm not sure what kind of doctor but he was apparently the technical expert) when "the Celt" said the doctor was the technical expert I was thankful, mainly as it meant he was neither a psychologist there to read my every body gesture and utterance or a GP/ Surgeon to stitch me up should the all out assault of the interview get out of hand. The Doctor, (not Doctor Who but the one in my interview, who to be honest thinking about it probably wouldn't have made a bad Doctor Who) had a wild mane of hair and was full of enthusiasm, he looked like someone who admired the intricate detail of things and therefore had an appreciation of life I would say like a young, over-eager Bob Geldof, "perhaps the anti-Penfold" I thought. He demonstrated this by asking question upon question which were completely irrelevant such as "where do you sit in your current job?" literally where, so he could paint a mental picture of me working. Bizarre. I played along though, once I'd described how I sat I even made a comedy gesture of myself typing on a computer at which he grinned.
I felt a lot more myself in this interview, they were interested in me as a person rather than just "have you ever been in situation where....?" (never "you lost your keys and your mobile phone" ever, shame) I got the feel that being a personality fit mattered to them rather than just ticking a few ability boxes and after the gruelling process of getting this far I was surprised they'd found a new way to be picky. It seemingly went well, I half enjoyed the interview, I'm confident in what I am able to do and in most cases that I would be able to learn if presented with the challenge something new so I was like I said "myself" and completely honest.
Talking to my wife about interviews, I get the impression she would like me to kick the interview room door off it's hinges and yell them "I have the World on a stick!" as I think she reckons I crawl shaking like a lamb into the room and shroud my head in my suit jacket popping my head out only to squeak one word answers to the questions. Problem is eventually there's a chance that work will expect me to bring in the world and I don't have it, I don't even have the stick. I just tried to be as Adamy as I could be within the constraints of a suit and an interview environment.
I really enjoyed the place and the people and I hoped beyond hope I would get the job, I asked when I would hear from them, they said that they had to interview someone late next week so it would be two weeks before I would find out, they were intrigued by the question and asked whether I had anything else on. I said I'd just had my 2nd interview with Penfold and Barry-a-like (I actually used their company's name so as not to appear like a lunatic of course, something in me thought that the Doctor might actually have preferred it if I had said something like that though).
I went to my mum's house with my wife and kids and mulled over my situation, could I afford to turn down the first job which is around the corner from my house and I'd only have to work half day on Friday though I don't think I'd enjoy it half as much as working with the Doctor who as good as said he would mould me into a databasing version of a kung-fu master, which probably isn't appealing to many but I do enjoy building a database ....and kung-fu films. Within an hour of us all discussing it my phone rang with a job offer.....
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