At the good ship Amistad still, get the impression my boss is avoiding me, had a solitary e-mail from him today with the request of a report that took all of two minutes.
There are things I could busy myself with I suppose, I heard there was a busy morning with my absence "Oh well" I said sarcastically to Lefty "I only wish I could have been here" we chuckled darkly and he went on to tell me more about a problem he has with wasp nests in his shed that he's been speaking of for the past few days.
This is only a continuing discussion as I once had a wasp nest in my garden shed and I explained how I dealt with it armed only with a jam jar, a can of fly/ wasp spray, a laminate floor saw and a bag of testosterone (my own metaphorical testosterone, I didn't amp up the wasp's rage, heighten their propensity to catch a potentially woman killing strand of flu or instil an innate deterrent to housework with some kind of serum in a tiny wasp serving hyperdermic needle).
He read a number of website suggestions (including the manner I had used) at one point he read "if I don't want to kill the wasps I have to take the queen 3 miles away so she doesn't return and rebuild" I imagined Lefty with the queen (the wasp queen, not Queen Elizabeth II) on the passenger seat of his car (with the set belt over it of course) putting it out in some field miles away from home and leaving it before turning around and heading back "charming." I thought "no way to treat wasp royalty" my thoughts then flicked to the queen wasp I dispatched in a still jam coated jar within a bag, within a wheelie bin. Anyway Lefty was explaining how since we last talked he had used foam to fill cracks in his shed. I wondered why he didn't just man up and do what I did, didn't say that though. With retrospect I wish I'd man'd it up even further with an Arnie-esque death quip like "Hey your majesty! Let's JAM!”
Speaking of blighting the environment one thing I have been doing at work is printing processes for my job (for the next sucker to take the mantle), As I lifted a catalogue of report instructions from the printer I pondered the amount of trees I must have killed to make it or was this perhaps recycled paper? I'm not very environmentally conscious I believe this is because School's lies have diminished any threat to the environment in my view.
Let me explain, when I was school there was talk of acid rain. ACTUAL ACID RAIN. What happened to that? There was a hole in the O-Zone layer and there was every chance we were going to melt to a horrible death whilst waiting for the school bus under a torrent of acidic rain. You never hear of acid rain or the O-Zone layer any more, are either of these still a threat? Did either of them ever even exist? Then elephants, I was told that my children would likely never see the likes of elephants and pandas, such was their limited number and the voracity of man and man's effect on the environment. Flash-forward to now and three of my four children have seen them (I don't think my baby son has but that's down to lack of interest and opportunity NOT because they're all dead!) if I die before all the elephants and pandas I will be most annoyed!
I saw a news report recently saying that from some fossilised something or other they can re-create woolly mammoths within a few years. Mammoths! Long extinct mammoths! And we're worried about saving common elephants! You can't throw a stone without hitting an elephant.... Well in the zoo or some kind of elephant reserve you couldn't. What other lies did they peddle in school? Next I'll be hearing that writing in a red pen isn't in fact rude.
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